© 2011 Phil Locke

Political Top Trumps

As part of their ongoing campaign to cheapen political debate, Sky News have produced possibly the ultimate accompaniment to the political conference – an actual, real life Top Trumps deck. Forget the Mullet deck, this is the single greatest edition of Top Trumps ever. And frankly, I’m not actually being ironic. The great guys and girls over at Sky News have created a work of comedic art. No matter how angry I try to make myself over this, I can’t help but laugh at the fact that William Hague has been given a ‘potential’ rating of 1.

I’m not quite sure how David Cameron managed to get a rating of 10 in the same category – he’s already the bloody PM. The ‘fanciability’ category is a work of surreal genius. Cameron manages a frankly unbelievable score of 81, and George Osborne claims an incredible 76. Nick Clegg scores a respectable 67, whereas poor old Ed Miliband only scrapes 39 points – barely managing to stay ahead of the luckless William Hague, who scores a pitiful 36. Honestly, I’m not sure that whoever apportioned these scores was wearing the right prescription. Maybe as a straight man I can’t fully appreciate what makes a guy attractive (I’d probably be better groomed if I did), but I’m pretty sure that any scoring system which places George Osborne anywhere near the frankly stunning Penny Mordaunt (who scores 75) is flawed to say the least. Sorry, Gideon – I wouldn’t. Sorry, Penny – I would.


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